The Fundamental Must-Knows in How to Save a Relationship
If you're in a committed relationship with problems, you know that it's paramount to do whatever it takes to fix it. Do not let it die! Let's learn how to save a relationship.
Unfortunately, for a lot of people, this is a seemingly impossible task. It's a task that a lot of people are going to need to understand a lot better if they truly want to achieve change for the long term.
Fortunately, if you're smart and capable, you're going to see rather quickly that it's not an exercise in futility. In fact, it is something that is much more serious. This is why it can work so effectively.
For one, it's important to be realistic about your situation. There are simply some relationships that are completely damaged beyond repair. And others that are unsafe for yourself or your family to stay in.
If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help right away from friends and family you trust or local support groups and services.
Related: When to End a Relationship
Start with Gratitude
The biggest step towards improving a troubled relationship is striving to find what you are grateful for about that relationship. Regardless of what the other person has done or said, this is one of the most important pieces of the puzzle.
Start by sitting down with a pen and paper an make a list of the things you are grateful for about the other person and your relationship. This could be the traits you admire in them or the good times you shared together or in your children's lives.
This practice isn't about condoning something bad or hurtful someone has done. It is about finding peace within yourself. Basically, you do this to improve your own happiness and life, as well as the relationship.
Gratitude allows one to be calmer, more understanding and compassionate. Gratitude also helps heal old wounds and leads to forgiveness.
Focus on Improving Yourself
While many relationships can be healed, not all can. This is why it is important to step back from the relationship and decide if you are happy or not. Then, if you are willing to put in the effort necessary to improve the relationship, you can do it.
This means being willing to acknowledge the errors one did and recognizing that a relationship takes two people and that we all share in some responsibility when problems arise.
Avoid getting stuck in the blame hole and believing that everything would be better if your partner changed x and y or thinking that you can force them to change. You cannot and this will only strain the relationship further.
Healing a relationship does take two as well, but it can start with just you. Inspire your partner toward change as well by working on improving yourself first.
Have a Non-Judgemental Heart to Heart
Once you have committed to the changes you are willing to make with yourself, then have a heart to heart with the other person. Make sure to ask beforehand if it is a good time to talk. If they say no, then ask them when would be.
Tell your partner how you really feel with “I feel” statements and avoid all blame statements. Be open and honest. Confide that you want to work together and figure out how to save the relationship and what you are willing to do in order to change.
Share with them the things they could do to help you make those changes and ask them if they are willing to meet you half way.
If you guys aren't on speaking terms and not within each other's proximities, you might have to simply end the relationship. But if you're talking, but things have gotten antsy, then that means this is something that can be realistically salvaged.
Related: How to Get Your Ex to Like You Again
Make an Effort to Show You Care to Save a Relationship
If you're wondering how to save a relationship, then understandings that appreciation is one of the most important building blocks of any relationship is vital. Make an effort to do the little things for your partner you know they love.
This can be as simple as an I love you note on the mirror or doing the dishes.
Also, when your partner does something for you that is meaningful, let them know! Thank them for what they did and be specific.
Tell them how good it made you feel. People are far more likely to go out of their way to do more than expected when they feel appreciated.
However, make sure you are being sincere. The most often you do these, the more aware you will become and the easier it will be.
Don't Take it Personally to Save a Relationship
When you get into a contentious discussion with your partner, it's important to know that if you really want to save the relationship, you'll sometimes have to do much more listening than talking.
Sometimes, these discussions can get a little personal. While you might have the instinct to snap back at them, don't!
Snapping back and taking things personally only makes a situation worse. Rather than exacerbating what's already heated, just sit back and listen.
Bite your tongue if you have to. This is how to save a relationship if it's in a really tough phase.
Set Guidelines for the Future
For the future, you can set parameters and know what to do, should it ever get out of hand again. These new rules will allow you to focus on what didn't work in the past and working on making sure they do work in the future.
Fortunately, rules help a lot in a relationship. Do not think that this will hurt you two! In reality, it only helps!